Tuesday, 21 May 2013

Zach Braff Wants You To Pay For His Movie

I have never been a Zach Braff fan. I do not watch Scrubs. I saw an episode of Punk'd with him in it and he cursed out a child when he thought the kid had damaged Zach's precious car. Since that moment, I have been anti-Zach Braff. Now Zach, who is worth $22 million dollars, would like to make a sequel to the crap film Garden State. It's basically a vanity project (read: it stars Zach and is written by him of course) and he has decided that though he can secure funding in a traditional manner, he doesn't want to fund it within the limitations that the backers have placed on him.

Why would the backers not let Zach have complete creative control? Perhaps it's because Zach has not earned that privilege and the trust of the backers. Makes sense, right? Because Zach WANTS final edit and control over casting, he has turned to Kickstarter to beg for money from average joes and janes on the street to fund his vanity project.

Let me repeat this: Zach Braff can not secure creative control from traditional backers but because he's got a toddler mentality and WANTS IT WANTS IT WANTS IT, he is now asking the public to find what will be a film allowing him to indulge himself in his own narcissism. Because nothing smacks of conceit like insisting that even though your industry DOES NOT TRUST YOU and you have not proven yourself worthy, you will beg for money anyway because you WANT IT.

He is apparently spending some of his own money on the project but has curiously declined to specify a dollar amount.

Those who back the project are not investors, they're donors. They get the paltry "gifts" that Braff has promised. For a few really pathetic folks, they will get to be in the film.

Let's look into this for a second:

An actor who really isn't even THAT famous and who's been in nothing really spectacular and who has a track record that doesn't allow financial backers to give him final cut and casting control is saying that because he doesn't want "some rich guy" (Pot. Kettle. Black.) having control and because he's all creative and artsy fartsy and it's all about the creativeness and the artiness of it all and it's for the integrity of the movie -- is going to allow just any schmuck with $2,500 to be IN the movie.

Clearly Zach does not know the meaning of "integrity." Kind of like if he had any, he would not be begging for money when he has more than enough.

So this moves into the land I like to call "Responsibility." We have all seen folks go after those on welfare, saying how they're lazy and need to stop having kids and to get a job etc. We bemoan those folks for getting a few hundred bucks a month and some food stamps. Stealing from the taxpayer they are, right? Not giving anything back, right? And we don't want to donate any money to them because well, they're not all celebrity-like and shiny like Zach Braff. We judge those people very harshly but we look at Zach and say well, if he wants to beg for money, more power to him!

How about we take the burden of responsibility off the welfare receipient and stick it on the not-so-humble celebrity for a moment? What would it look like if we said to Zach: "If you can't pay for your own movie, you don't get to make your own movie. That's how it works when people live within their means and take care of themselves without begging others for help."

What's worse is that people on Welfare for the most part actually NEED the money they get. They're NOT living in big homes and have fancy cars and they're not out there hobnobbing with celebrities and looking at a bank statement that looks sort of like $22 million. They don't have access to the rich and famous, nor are they rich and famous themselves. But we will ridicule the person paying for a bag of chips ($3) with food stamps because dammit, that's taxpayer money and we don't want our money being WASTED like that. If we wanted to waste money on chips, we'd buy and eat them ourselves! (And we do. All the time.)

Zach Braff does not NEED anyone's money. He has more than enough for himself to fund his vanity movie.

Let's say it together: Zach Braff has enough money to make his movie all by himself.

Now the question is really, why should he spend his own money when there are "fans" out there who will pay for it for him? Why should he HAVE TO spend his own money on a project he came up with, that he wrote, that he will star in and that he will reap all the benefits of? Why on earth should the great Zach Braff have to do things the same way just anybody would?

Zach Braff made $350,000 an episode for Scrubs. Now people will say that's fair, he's doing the work and getting paid and he can spend his $22 million on whatever he wants. Problem is, he's not spending his $22 million, he just wants someone else to spend their money on his project.

If I have $500 in the bank and I want to go to a $300 a night hotel for an evening, should I be asking people on the street to pay for my stay? Just because I want to go to an expensive hotel but don't want to spend my own money on it?

There's a sucker born every minute, P.T. Barnum once said. Zach Braff's "fans" are definitely a bunch of suckers.

I was going to use a picture of Zach for this article but he's just so disgusting I didn't want to even look at him.

Zach Braff:

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